Posts Tagged ‘M.E.’

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Free to be me

March 29, 2011

Here’s (yet) another poem on the subject of M.E.:

Free to be me

Once upon a time,
I could think of a rhyme
that was not about M.E.
rather, me.

Caught up in the fog,
left me stuck in a bog.
And I’m trapped,
trapped by the walls of M.E.

Sleepless nights
will bring me no more frights,
because of my identity
(and that’s not in M.E.)

Fighting the fatigue
that did not belong to me.

I have a retreat,
where I can hear the birds tweet,
in the sanctuary
of rest.

I’m not defined by the rain,
even when I’m dancing,
and in pain.

My identity is free;
free from M.E.
free to be me.

Free to be
the woman God called me to be;
me.

In my weakness,
the weakness of M.E.,
I had no choice
but to rely on The One you despise.

You can tear me apart,
you can wound my heart.
But you may hold me no longer;
this fight has only made me stronger.

Because He died,
He died for me.
He died so that I,
could be free.

Free, from the pain,
the rain,
of this world.
From the things that bound me
to M.E.

And I’m
Free to be
the woman God called me to be;
me.

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What gets you out of bed each morning?

December 2, 2010

If you know me, you’ll know that I’m not so good at the whole morning thing. This is for a few reasons; I’m exhausted. I’m in pain. I didn’t sleep well. I’m depressed. I’m lazy.

This can be especially bad if I don’t have anything specific to get up for. I do try and plan what I’m going to do the night before, but it doesn’t always work out, especially if my plans don’t involve letting anyone else but myself down.

It’s not even like taking a tablet to wake me up would work, because I need to have a reason to get as far as taking the pill.

I want Jesus to be the reason I get out of bed. Not some feelings of guilt. I want peace to know it’s okay to be in bed when I’m ill. I want a motivation that doesn’t leave me in tears. I don’t want to waste my ‘not so well’ days, never mind my ‘well’ days.

In CBT we started to focus on sleep and at some point I’ll be going to a sleep clinic; scary or what!
We decided I should write a list of things that might help me get out of bed, and I wrote a poster which now sits right by my bed, at eye level height so that when I wake up in a morning, once I can convince myself to open my eyes, I see this:

If you have any other suggestions, I’d love to hear them.
I hope it helps!

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Protected: Changes

December 1, 2010

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Exhaustion

November 30, 2010

12.5 hours without leaving the church building + M.E. = one crashed-out Lizzie.

Sigh.

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Protected: New Starts

October 26, 2010

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Birthdays

October 23, 2010

Despite being pretty ill, my Birthday was a distinct improvement on last year, for which I thank God.

My parents, very generously bought me a new Digital SLR camera as a joint 25th Birthday and Christmas present.

As I was sick, I’d travelled home from London the day before my birthday, 18 hours earlier than planned, which meant I awoke on my birthday to one of the most beautifully crisp, Autumnal days I remember. Ever since I worked at Southwell Minster, Mum has always wanted to go up the tower. She was envious of Dad when I had the opportunity to take him round. I had wanted to try and visit the Minster while I was home, briefly, anyway, so adding all these things together, Mum changed her plans, and I took her up the Minster tower and was able to take some pretty exciting photos, too.

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I was also able to catch up with Andrew, my old boss, which was, as ever, lovely. Andrew asked me to put my new photos on Flickr, as he’s not on Facebook. I have just about found time to oblige, so you can now view more of my pictures here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/elizabethalbery/

As it happened, it was my old school’s Founders Day service that evening, and there were some rehearsals for the occasion going on while we were there. I also bumped into Mr Vickers, my RE teacher, who was well known for his lessons on Derby FC and ending the lesson with ‘I digress…’ It was genuinely wonderful to see him, although we both couldn’t believe how long it was since I left. Scary thing, time.

Mum and I got home and Victoria, for whom I was bridesmaid in June, came over for lunch, was was wonderful to catch up with her and see her Wedding photos! Malcolm, Mum’s Viola playing friend also came for lunch, too, which was fun! Later in the day Mum and I headed into Nottingham for the Girl Guiding Centenary Finale celebrations, which I will tell you about in my next post!

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Protected: Trapped

October 14, 2010

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