Posts Tagged ‘Easter’

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Winifred

May 29, 2010

Let me introduce you to Winifred Greenaway;

I first met Winifred not long after she and her late husband moved to our village. She’d been asking around people at church if they knew any musicians she could play chamber music with. Which is how Mum got to know her, Mum arranged for a few of her orchestra friends to come and play String Quartets weekly at Winifred’s house. Which has happened most Wednesdays for about the last 14 years.

When I was younger, I’d go along with Mum during the school holidays. Winifred would also love me to go up and play to her, she gave me lessons on scales when I was preparing for Grade 6, as my teacher at the time didn’t teach scales (!)

Winifred has been incredibly supportive to me over the years. Only this Easter holiday I spent hours with her one afternoon, playing my Beethoven recital to her, talking through my project, and playing some of my final recital repertoire. Unfortunately Mum and Dad felt they couldn’t offer her a lift to London for my recitals as she was elderly and wouldn’t have coped with the late night. But I did promise I’d send her the final copy of my dissertation essay and a CD recording of the recital. Unfortunately I only got my blank CD’s when I went home, for her funeral.

During the funeral, I did a good job at repressing my own feelings.

The family had chosen the final hymn to be Thine be the Glory, specifically because of Beethoven’s variations on the theme by Handel (which I performed in my dissertation).

I was able to chat to Winifred’s daughter, Clare, who I recognized from NYO when I was growing up, but never realised the relation! Clare was so pleased I had made the effort to chat to her. Also a ‘cellist, I told her about my dissertation, so I promised her a copy of my essay and CD recording, which I shall print and record once I’m home next.

Mum and I chatted later in the afternoon and wondered if Winifred had ‘found’ my Grandpa Norris (the ‘Cellist from whom I inherited my ‘Cello), in Heaven?

I’m still upset that she died, that I wont get to see her after I graduate at the end of term, but I know my life has been enriched by hers. I shall endeavor to play for her in my forthcoming recital, but I know the standard of my playing this time wont be in honor of her 😦

But I know that she is at peace now 🙂

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Whelmed?

April 9, 2010

‘I know you can be over-whelmed and you can be under-whelmed, but can you ever just be ‘whelmed’?

From the film 10 Things I Hate About You.

I apologize for my lack of posts lately. A lot has been going on and changing which is all very exciting. I am in the process, once again of trying to make my thoughts about these various things coherent so I can share them with you.

Until then, be happy to know that I am glad to be back in the realms of LST.

This is my 333rd post. Prosperity.

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Reflections from Lent

April 5, 2010

I gave up Facebook for Lent.

I didn’t really miss it.
On Saturday evening, I wasn’t well, and thus was awake when the clock turned to Sunday. To occupy my mind, I decided I could go on Facebook.
I don’t like Facebook;
It eats time.
It makes me feel more depressed.
It eats more of my time.
It keeps me up at night when I should be in bed.
It makes me more ill.
It inhibited my ability to get to church on Sunday and thus celebrate THE END OF LENT. Ironic, huh?
I would thus like to thank all my real-life friends who were able to keep in touch with me via the medium of noFacebook. You are ace.
I wish to know why, when feeling low, why I automatically turn to things which make me feel worse?
I am also confused why, two years in a row, I have found no pictures of me at the LST Ball on Facebook. I don’t know why I bother to make an effort?
I would like to go home, to LST, now, please?
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Good Friday?

April 3, 2010
I will alway remember my Dad writing ‘Not a very Good Friday’ on the cast of my broken arm, having fallen from my bike…

I have some amazing friends who have communicated some pretty powerful things about Good Friday here and here.

Yet I feel lost.
I never quite know how to deal with Good Friday?
A number of Anglican churches hold a 3 hour mediation/vigil/reflection type service meant to emulate the time Jesus hung on the Cross before he died. When I was a Verger at the Minster, it was one of those frustrating services; we had so much ‘to do’ before Sunday; cleaning, moving furniture, dressing tables, hoovering, brasses, silver… but we couldn’t do anything while this service was on. Both the Vergers and the Organists would divide up the hours, taking an hour each on the door or at the organ respectively, so it wasn’t down to two members of staff to hold the show. I remember the hour I did; asking visitors politely to ‘come back later’ or ‘enter quietly to join the service’ or to ‘use the other door’ as the Minster is a living Church. I remember sitting there, thoroughly bored. Yet I had deep respect for the members of the congregation who were really engaging with it; knowing that I couldn’t deal with it.
But what are we meant to do with this day?
I windled my Good Friday away with a hair cut, a ‘cello lesson, drinking tea with the Vergers, doing ‘cello practice and making cakes. And ‘Holy Saturday’ I’ve spent in the pub catching up with Charlotte followed by finding bargains in the village charity shop before popping round to Colette’s house for the afternoon to catch up on the last 6 weeks, make food, and watch the boat race. Then returning home to family politics (including arguments over where to go to church on Easter Sunday?!!) It just doesn’t really cut it.
I think I’m avoiding thinking about what we’re to reflect on at this point in the church calendar;
I can deal with the living Jesus, pre crucifixion.
I can deal with the resurrected Jesus.
I can deal with the living-among-us Jesus.
I can deal with the coming-again Jesus.
But what do I do with the no-longer-alive Jesus, the descended-to-the-dead Jesus?
I just can’t.
I first realised this the Easter I saw The Passion of Christ when it came out in the cinema. The brutality, the suffering, the torture, the pain… And as much as I tried, I couldn’t tell myself; ‘it’s just a story,’ because it’s not just a story.
I feel so inadequate.
So irrelevant.
So pathetic.
So miniscule.
So trivial.
So get-over-yourself.
Yet;
His Sufferring. His Pain. His Sacrifice. His Death.
… those are the things which make it so real.
The ultimate price for life.
And we know what happened next. We know that Christ defeated death. We have that Hope. But what are we to do with Good Friday and Holy Saturday. I can’t go on ignoring them forever.