Archive for March, 2010


28 Days

March 31, 2010

28 days and I’ll have done my Dissertation Recital!

35 days and my Dissertation Project will be handed in.
44 days and I’ll be done with Formation; forever!
44 days until Victoria’s Hen Weekend 🙂
47 days until the week of fartoomanydeadlines.
62 days until BPG Final exam.
63 days until my Final recital.
73 days until I’m a Bridesmaid and Victoria and Matthew are Wedded.
87 days until I Graduate.

Recognised Improvement

March 31, 2010
Yesterday it was the Chiro.
Today it was the Nutritional Therapist.
My neighbours and friends…

… people are commenting on how well I’m looking and doing since returning home.
My NT is changing a few things again to help with the cycles of depression… so we shall see…

Little Cellist

March 30, 2010

Last week a friend from home sent me a link to the Little Cellist website.

It’s quite a cute little website for all things ‘cello. Have a gander, or tell your ‘cellist friends… 🙂


March 30, 2010

I had a ‘phone call from Muswell Hill today. They don’t want to take my application any further; taking into account the personalities and skills of their current staff team and the strength of the other applicants. He said I had a very strong application and they enjoyed having me as much as I enjoyed visiting them.

I am pretty gutted. Yes I’ve dealt with rejection before, but those other jobs haven’t felt so ‘right,’ you know?
I’m now feeling lost. So incredibly lost as to what door to push next? Do I look for similar opportunities? Or do I see what might happen if I pursue my ‘cello? Or do I try for PGCE? Or something else?
Plan b (or c, d, e or even f – I’ve lost track) could be to work at the Minster again as the part-time Verger is going for Catholic Ordination this year.
My neighbour told me this afternoon to try and get some part-time work, and volunteer in a school or suchlike, whilst living at home again. He also told me to ‘leave God out of it’ so I’m not sure I’ll be taking his advice…
But, I don’t think I could hack living back here long-term again? I’d just been thinking how nice it was to visit, knowing that I’ll be returning to LST very soon.
I’ve lost hope in my hope. I’d love some direction.


March 27, 2010

A couple of things I’ve been reflecting on since returning home in the last 32 hours;

Home is where I grew up. Home is the sounds of Dad doing DIY around the house. Home is the smell of freshly cut wood. Home is memories. Home is noticing how things have changed. Home is going to Southwell and people genuinely pleased to see me and want to know how I’m doing and what I’m up to. Home is walking into the Minster late on a Saturday evening after a concert, and being given a giant-sized hug by Andrew, the Head Verger. Home is being lovingly mocked. Home is sticking around the Minster and helping dismantle the stage and resurrect the Nave Sanctuary, in a skirt and bare feet (having been wearing heels!). Home is being told to go and make the Tea. Home is sitting in the Crossing drinking tea and chatting with the Vergers; my family. Home is driving late at night on country roads.
Home. Is. Lovely.
And yet, Home doesn’t have the grasp it did once have. Home is now longer my home.
Returning home, to my parent’s house, after 5 or 6 weeks at LST has made me aware how ‘well’ I am. After driving home, unpacking, eating, I still had energy for about 2 hours ‘cello practice last night, which, incidentally, is starting to sound pretty good, even if I say so myself! Saturday, I got up, had Bacon for breakfast and I alternated ‘cello practice, dissertation and washing before heading out to Southwell this evening for the Old Southwellians meal. Which, I coped with remarkably well.
I know I need to be careful, and the old clocks going forward tonight probably won’t help such matters. But things are faring well currently.
I like.

I have been so privileged

March 27, 2010

The Old Southwellian Society is the Minster School Alumni’s official name. This evening, five/six years after leaving school (depending whether you count my academic year group or when I finally left sixth form!), I went to my first Old Southwellian’s Annual Dinner.

I’ll be honest, I was a little anxious about going. My perceptions of it being an ‘Old boys club’ were not wrong! (The Minster School was a Grammar School prior to combining with the Edward Cludd?? Secondary Modern, to form the Minster Comprehensive as it was when I wes there) Hannah and I were the youngest there by a good 25 years or so, unless of course you count the bar staff, who were from our year at school!
It was lovely to catch up with people who I knew as tutors and conductors of County Orchestra, and with Terry Gill, the teacher of JD for many, many years!
I was asked on numerous occasions, whether I’d become a Vicar, and why? and ‘what about your music?’
Hannah is on the OSS committee and we were saying how we need to work out how we can encourage our generation to be a part of OSS, and what we want from it, which is quite exciting! One of the ideas was to change the name, but after a vote, it was looking like 2:1 in favour of no change!
Hannah and I were sat on a table with 6 others who left the school 30 years ago – they’re trying to have a big gathering later on this year I think? But I was talking to a spouse of one of them, and we had a really good conversation. The small talk questions of ‘what do you do?’ and ‘where are you based now?’ etc. managed not to kill the conversation and we got chatting about how privileged we all are to have gone to a school like The Minster.
Hannah is now a teacher at Dayncourt, the school in my village, where my brother went. I have often thought, if I hadn’t gone to Minster, but gone there, would I i) still play the ‘cello? and ii) be a Christian? Where would I be now?
Southwell is a beautiful place. The Minster is a lovely building. The community is awesome. And the school is always in the top few comprehensives in the county, even rivalling the High School!
I was so lucky to go to JD and be taught by the incredible Terry Gill. I was so lucky my parents made the effort to get me into a musical school. I was so lucky to have grown up in that supportive environment.
Yes, it was a lot of effort, not just for me, but my family. To get me to school every day. To support me in numerous ways with music lessons and extra curricular activities. But it was so worth it!

National Express

March 26, 2010

Today I embarked on my journey back north along the M1, to Robin Hood country.

As I set off, I prayed, as I always do. As I’d finished praying and I joined the M1, the rain began! To be fair, it wasn’t a bad journey, especially considering it’s Friday. It took about 3 hours from leaving LST to get home, including filling up with fuel in Watford on the way.
But one thing that really upset me was a National Express coach driver. Around Northampton area, I was overtaking a convoy of lorries, and thus was in the middle lane. There were three or four lorries on my left, cars ahead of me, and many cars in the right-hand lane. Oh, and did I mention the weather? I was trying to keep a sensible gap ahead of me, but most of the time other drivers would fill it for me… But essentially I had no where to go, other than keep up with the flow of traffic. Then the National Express coach pulls out behind me, also over taking the lorries. He was so close to the back of my car, I was actually scared. Like, inches away from me. I felt incredibly intimidated. And then, he starts flashing me, as if to say ‘get out of my way!’ As I said, I had no where to go! I couldn’t pull out into the right hand lane, there were too many cars! I couldn’t go faster than the car in front of me, and unlike the coach driver, I was leaving a gap. He got closer and closer, flashing me and flashing me. I felt so bullied. Eventually, a gap appeared in the right hand lane and I went for it; I just wanted to get out of the way of this coach! I got to Watford Gap services and had a little panic and called Dad.
I just don’t get it. Lorry drivers, on the whole are legends. I love lorry drivers! The majority of the time I’m doing a long journey, I almost feel protected by them. Wherever I can I let them out in front of me, on the grounds that they do similar at times when I’m joining a motorway.
I would have thought coach drivers would be the same? Apparently not. But then I remembered a couple of years ago when National Express coaches crashed at Newport Pagnell Services and on the M4.
I think I’m going to continue travelling on the train when I’m using public transport!
I’m left doubting my driving skills. But, I know I’m not a bad driver! (I even got the Miles per Gallon thingie to the highest it’s been certainly since Matthew crashed it, if not the highest we’ve got it?!)