200th Blog

For this momentous occasion, I decided to write 200 things that I am thankful for. Things that have made me who I am today. There is no particular order! Friends who make the world of difference. People who care. Activities that make me tick. You get the drift…

[I should probably point out that I sort of got the idea following comments on this amazing person’s blog.]

Southwell Minster. Jan. Cat. Driving. London School of Theology. Young Leader. Jess. Lord of the Rings. Countryside. Jon. Lindsey. Open Roads. Rachael. Reaching the top of a hill or mountain. Snow. Conrad. Snowmen. Memories. Theatre. Boats. Watching the Snow fall. Jo. All Souls Orchestra. Climbing Trees. Emmanuel. Camping. Mr Warwick. Christmas Carols. Friends. Facebook. Singing Descants to Christmas Carols. Family. Blogging. Association of Young people with Myalgic Encephalomylitis (AYME). Midnight Mass. Weddings. Girl Guiding UK Jesus. National Scout and Guide Symphony Orchestra (NSGSO) Neckers. Post. Church. Campfires. Someone playing with my hair. Laughter. Snuggles. Centenary 100. Achievement. Smiles. Radcliffe on Trent. Giggling. Northwood. The cool side of the pillow. Nottingham. Doing my best. Verger. Cuddles. Innovate. Southwell. Badges. Swinging on swings. Student Scout and Guide Organisation (SSAGO) Daughter. Duke of Edinburgh’s Award, Gold. Hot Water Bottles. Mr Gill. Ranger Guides. Auntie (well, not directly)! Dave. Students of London Indie Collective (SLIC) Hazel. Teddy bears. Sophie. Holy Spirit. Skype. Brown Owl. Watching the Sunset. Abseiling. The Minster School. Making a difference. Queen’s Scout Working Party (QSWP) Green & Blacks. Holidays. Sister. Explorer Scouts. Bournville. Sea. Home. Cousin. Adult Leader. Prayer. Hugs. Brownie Guides. Waterways. Chapel. Canoeing. Scott. God. Dad. Climbing. Faith. Hannah. The Bible. Catriona. Have I Got News For You. Andrew. Pride and Prejudice. Harry. Rhys. Going to concerts. Kate. Father Ted. Kendal Mint Cake. Spotify. Aarron. Poetry. Nottingham Symphony Orchestra. 10 Things I Hate About You. Rachel. Underground. Maisie. Grey’s Anatomy. Tom. Sun. Choir. Queen’s Scout. Psychoanalyst. Music. Lizzie. Bev. Black Adder. Andy. Knowing I am loved (I need to be reminded of this one). Cousin Mark. Singing. Red Nose Day. Letting go. Dancing like nobody’s watching. Fellowship. Sleeping. Taking Photos. Dentist. Scouts. GP. ’Cello. Being appreciated. Drugs. The Shack. Colette. Scrabble. The Passion of Christ. Conversations. Helen. Chocolate. Sarah. The wind in your face. Trains. Michael. Amazing Grace. Creativity. Frost. Chris. Crying. Network Scouts. Candles. Katie. Writing. Matthew. London. Vicky. Vicar of Dibley. Mum. Fires. Being in Love. Dysciples. Giving Gifts. Uncle Dave. Comedy. Dialogue. Visiting Friends. Sue. Reading. Rose. W3 Auntie Sue. Twitter. Locks. Queen’s Guide. Laughing so much it hurts. Duncan. Pacing. Uncle John. Hill Walking. Simon. iTunes. Rhydian. Water. Phil. Making fresh footprints in the snow. Water. Amelia. When someone cares enough to visit.

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Carol Singing

My last duty as Brown Owl.

This evening I went Carol Singing at Field House, an old people’s home in our village with the District Guides; we had Rainbows, Brownies, Guides and Senior Section as well as leaders and parents.

Despite asking parents to let me know if their girls were coming or not, I only knew the daughter of the Rainbow leader was coming. In the end we had a handful of girls from each Brownie Pack, and the room was packed.

We all stand looking pretty and then all of a sudden I realise I’ve just been volunteered, by the other District Guiders and Commissioner, to co-ordinate and lead the singing! Thanks for the forewarning!

The girls sang for a good 45 minutes and seemed to enjoy it as much as the old folks did! We used the Bethlehem Carol Sheets, borrowed from the Methodist Church, which I remember being new when I was about 4! So they are a bit dog-eared now!

We were given refreshments in the dining room afterwards, when one of my Brownie Mum’s said how much they’d all (other Brownies and their parents) appreciated me taking Brownies this term. She said what a lease of life I brought to the unit, and all my efforts had been noticed! I am happy that the girls have had a bit more of the spirit of Guiding, rather than it just being another after-school club or babysitting service. And I feel blessed that at least one mother took the time to tell me so. I’m glad I made a difference, the blood, sweat and tears weren’t for nothing!

My Brownies who were there tonight didn’t want me to leave. They don’t want another set of new leaders. They don’t understand what going back to London for 5 months to complete my degree means. For 7 – 10 year olds, June is one heck of a long way away.

I will be missed.

Job Application

I’ve pretty much finished the application form for the Liturgy and Music Assistant post at Southwell Minster. Apart from I need to address one thing; Health.

Please estimate the number of days you have had off work for reasons of sickness absence in the last year.
Please also state if there is anything we may need to know about any illness you have suffered that may affect your ability to do the job for which you are applying.

I remember reading a while ago, I think it was on AYME, about putting your M.E. experiences in a positive light. But I can’t find it, I’m stuck and its starting to get me down.

So, if you have any wise words, or can point me in the right direction, I’d appreciate it!

I expected the worst

The last 48 hours of my life have been pretty awesome.

I caught a train down to London on Saturday, to spend a long afternoon with a very good friend of mine. As the train went further south, I watched the fields being covered in a thicker blanket of snow. I didn’t see any snowmen, or evidence of sledging, though, which was odd. It was lovely to see Dave again. And to see Finchley, his Church and where he lives, so now I have images in my head so when we chat, I’ll know what he’s talking about (ish). We went to a cafe for lunch, watched an old episode of Have I Got News For You from about 8 years ago, with Boris Johnson presenting. Love it! Dave didn’t even have to pretend he liked his Christmas present, which was nice! We had a pub meal on the way back to the train which was yummy. It went really quickly though, which was upsetting.
I miss being able to just hang out.
I also don’t like not knowing when I’ll see him again.

When I got back to Nottingham, it was snowing, huge snowflakes. This made me very happy! Maybe I can do this whole Christmas thing? Mum and Dad picked me up from the station and we drove home in the snow. As we got back to Radcliffe, though, it had stopped and we’d just had a light splattering of snow. Not enough to do anything with. Humph.

I was pleasantly surprised at how well I was feeling. Yes, I was physically tired and achy and in pain, but I wasn’t in the heap I’d expected following a day trip to London. This is good.

Sunday, I’d expected to have been a complete wreck, too. Having taken a while to get to sleep.
However, I got up about 12.30, maybe a bit later, cooked myself breakfast and got on with things. Mum and Dad were out moving the narrow boat [fools] so I was home alone. I had expected to be in a heap, crying all day, but I wasn’t.

I found two albums that helped me work last year. I put them on random play today, and surprisingly, I was productive!

I completed my application for the Liturgy and Music Assistant job at Southwell Minster. I received a message from Noel Tredinnick saying he’s happy to be one of my referee’s. So now I have DP, Rev’d Dr Jules and Prof Dr Noel!

While I was doing this, it started to snow heavily again in our village. So I paused Scrabble and the job application to take some pictures. Fun times.

Mum and Dad came home and we decided we’d go to St Mary’s in the village for their Carol’s by Candlelight service. It wasn’t bad, but I find it really hard to worship when things don’t run so smoothly. The choir has improved over the years, but there’s still a bunch of old women who warble and it’s just not nice choral singing. The solos were all over the shop and it wasn’t tight. Maybe I have been spoiled with my musical upbringing? And I’m used to things running like clockwork? Despite these, and other flaws I decided not to mention, I did manage to engage with God, which was ace.

I think I’m going to print out a copy of my Statement of Faith and stick it on my wall. Because writing that, and my testimony have been two really uplifting things for me this week.

I think I’ve found that place where I can stop trying so hard with God, and just be in his presence. I am feeling very positive and excited about LST work. And returning to LST. And trying to picture how I’m going to feel at the end of my Dissertation Recital, my Final Recital, and Graduation Day… It still seems far off, but yet there’s also a possibility it’s in reach. And I’m going to be as ‘beautifully stubborn’ as I can. To do my best to finish all my coursework before February, when I hope to return to LST.

I am happy. I just don’t know how long it’ll last. And I wish I could sleep without my mind going on overdrive!

The only thing is, it’s now past 4am and I’m not asleep, I’m just beginning to get sleepy tired. But I have a GP appointment at 10am. I need to talk with her about my options for completing my degree. Scary stuff.

This week I am to send off the job application, do some research for my programme notes and also some Jubilate work. As well as see friends and do Christmas. Hmm… we shall see..!

Why I believe what I believe [still work in progress]

I believe in God, who by His nature is Trinitarian; Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Having grown up in a Christian environment, I had accepted the doctrine of the Trinity. The Bible clearly presents God as three distinguished, but united persons, although this is often a controversial element of the Christian faith as there is no explicit reference to the term Trinity in Scripture, Jesus refers to the three-in-one nature of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20). Moltmann states “the trinitarian persons form their own unity by themselves in the circulation of the divine life.”[1] Whilst reading The Shack, I came to a deeper awareness of the relational aspect of the Trinity. I concur with Moltmann, that the trinity is a model for our society; “a world in which human beings have all things in common and share everything with one another except their personal qualities.”[2]

I believe God existed when nothing else existed. I believe He spoke into the nothingness, creating the world and all that is in it; all that is known and unknown to humankind. I believe God created men and women in His image, to be in relationship with Him.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning” (John 1:1).

“God created the physical and spiritual universe… ‘out of nothing,’ ex nihilo.”[3] Nothing is exactly that; not that nothing is a substance or matter which God created from. The Genesis creation story accounts for the whole of creation (Genesis 1:1-31). There are many theories as to the beginning of the world, but science cannot account for everything; there is so much we don’t know. I believe the most important fact of creation is that God was in ultimate control.

Genesis 1:27 informs us “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” We as humans are to be in relation with God; Adam names the animals, God goes walking in Eden looking for Adam and Eve (Genesis 1-3). We read throughout the Bible of the covenant relationship between God and mankind; “I will be their God, and they will be my people” (Jeremiah 31:33).

Since the fall humanity has become bound to her sinful nature, falling short of God’s glory. I believe the only way we can be redeemed from our sinful nature is through sacrifice.

In Acts 14:6 Luke affirms Jesus’ teaching; “Salvation is found in no-one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.” This is the teaching of Christ, not a doctrine the church has developed. Jesus said “I am the way and the truth and the life. No-one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6). Only God’s Son could take away the sins of our world; only God’s Son could rise from the dead; in order for us to have an eternal relationship with him.

I believe the Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, who is both fully God and fully human, made incarnate by the Holy Spirit and born of Mary, lived on earth and dwelt among us. The Son gave up Heaven to take the blame and pay the full sacrifice for our sin; the Father sacrificed his Son for our salvation. I believe that we can claim our salvation through confession and belief in Jesus Christ our Saviour.

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us…” (John 1:14).

“God send his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons” (Galations 4:4-5). Grudem defines the atonement as “the work Christ did in his life and death to earn our salvation.”[4] Jesus gave up the glory of heaven to become a servant on earth (Philippians 2:7-8). “Christ, our Passover lamb has been sacrificed” (1 Corinthians 5:7-8); Jesus “died to sin once for all” (Romans 6:10).

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). Paul writes; “if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved” (Romans 10:9-10).

Stott explains how different terms of Salvation aid our understanding. He sees the terms ‘propitiation,’ ‘redemption,’ ‘justification’ and ‘reconciliation’ as imagery to help us see the different ways we can view the work of Christ and have deeper relationship with our Substitute.[5]

“The Christian understanding of salvation presupposes that something has happened, that something is now happening, and that something further will still happen to believers.”[6]

I believe we are enabled to grow closer to God and live more Godly lives through the power of the Spirit. The Spirit lives and dwells within each believer, as a constant guide and source of strength, facilitating the presence of the Father and the Son.

At Pentecost, the Holy Spirit was made available for all who believed in Jesus (Acts 2:1-4). The Spirit begins the process of being united with Christ, we cannot belong to him without his Spirit (Romans 8:9, 1 Corinthians 6:17).

The Spirit is the power of our new life in Christ, as he changes us, we become more like him (Galatians 3:3, Philippians 1:6). Paul writes; “your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you,” (1 Corinthians 6:19). When we are stuck for what to pray, we can call on the help of the Spirit, who intercedes for us (Romans 8:26-27). We also do not need to worry about what to say when we face opposition to Christ, “for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say” (Luke 12:12). Through the guidance of the Spirit, we can have “mind[s] of Christ” (1 Corinthians 2:15-16).

I believe the Biblical Scriptures are the authoritative Word of God, written by human hands, inspired by God. I believe the Holy Spirit enables us to interpret the Scriptures along with the gifts that He has given us.

Scripture affirms the authoritative nature of it’s source; “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16). The Biblical authors were writing from their own cultural, historical and personal contexts, but they were inspired by God to write His message to us; how we can be saved, our source of knowledge and moral and ethical guidelines to adhere to.

However, I accept there are often difficulties in Biblical interpretation, to overcome the fallible human aspect, both of the authorship and the reader’s understanding. We need to use sound hermeneutic methods to avoid unnecessary confusion.

We are able to call upon the Holy Spirit, as well as the use of the gifts given to us (1 Corinthians 12), to guide and direct our reading, and aid our interpretation and understanding of the Word.

I believe the Church was established by the Son, and is the body of Christ, and He is the head of the Church. I believe our Mission as the Church is to follow the Great Commission; proclaim the Good News, make disciples, baptise and teach them to obey all that He has taught us, until He comes again. I believe one day Christ will return to meet his bride, the church, and we will be united with God and live with Him in paradise.

In Matthew 16:18, we read of the foundations of the church Jesus was beginning to build. Peter later reminds Christians that we are the church built on the foundation of the prophets and apostles with Jesus Christ as the cornerstone (1 Peter 2:4-6). In Colossians 1:18, Paul explains how Jesus is the head of the Church, the body. “He is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.”

Jesus gives the Great Commission, which we read of in Matthew 28:19-20. His last words to the disciples were words of instruction. We are to obey this calling, using the gifts that we have been given to further His kingdom.

The Bible tells us of the coming of the Lord, warnings to be ready, for thieves in the night. John’s visions of the End of the world as we know it in Revelation 21 – 22 record stark contrasts with the Beginning of the world in Genesis. Satan is defeated; Sin is banished; “There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain,” (Revelation 21:4); Paradise is regained; Death is defeated and we will live forever in union with God.

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[1] Moltmann, Trinity, In: McGrath, Theology, p266

[2] Moltmann, Trinity, In: McGrath, Theology, p266

[3] Milne, Truth, p90

[4] Grudem, Systematic, p568

[5] Stott, Cross, pp195-236

[6] McGrath, Theology, p330

I thought I was a Christian

Okay… so I spent part of my evening tidying my Formation folder, so now things make sense and are tidy. But I came across this, my testimony which I wrote for a job application in the Spring. And, it made me happy… so I thought I’d share it with you 🙂

I thought I was a Christian.
I grew up in a Christian family and went to church regularly. As I grew up, I was involved with various groups and activities; singing in a church choir, bell-ringing, being part of a music group, helping with Holiday clubs. At secondary school, together with others, I was involved in launching and running of the school’s Christian Union.

Although I look back and say ‘I lost my faith’ in May 2003, this ‘faith’ I thought I had wasn’t strong enough. After a traumatic experience, I turned my back on the God I thought I knew. Why would an all-loving God allow something like this to happen in His creation? I prayed with a youth leader at church, who asked God to forgive me for letting myself get into a vulnerable situation. From that point on, I blamed myself for the experience.

Throughout the months that followed, the Lord really had His hand on my life, through conversations with friends and mentors and in making some difficult decisions to re-sit the year at school.

Following a meeting with the Pastoral Head at school and various hospital visits, I was diagnosed with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (M.E.) and was away from school for a considerable period of time. During this time, I received a letter from a school friend inviting me to join her at her church the following Sunday evening. It was during this evening service at Southwell Baptist Church that I felt God’s presence for the first time. I knew God personally, not as a distant or historical character. I continued to attend SBC and, as a confirmation of my renewed faith, I was Baptised.

I still struggle from time to time with the M.E. especially as, retrospectively, it had a part to play in being in the situation I found myself in that May. My faith helps me cope with the need to pace and the lows I can experience. I know that God is stronger than any illness.

During my gap year, I found it refreshing to be working for Christian organisations. At the Carpenter’s Arms, I was part of a strong community of believers amongst the staff team, which was such a blessing. Whilst working at the Cathedral gave me a great sense of awe and wonder, and enabled me to appreciate the more traditional, liturgical services.

I was given a study Bible for my 18th birthday; I couldn’t read enough of it. I considered studying Theology. Yet, I’d also received enouragement from a Cello tutor who told me I had the ability to go to Music College. When I heard of the course at London School of Theology (LST) I knew it was the right place for me. However, I had not yet told my parents of my change of heart: I had my sights set on being a Physiotherapist, but God was pointing me towards LST. Unsurprisingly, they struggled to understand. Over the next few months, however, I really felt God work in them, and during a summer music course, my Dad, realising the desire was genuine, told me that I could go to LST.

As a third year student at LST, I am involved with various aspects of college community life both serving and receiving. As a Theology, Music and Worship student, I am involved with the weekly chapel service, either playing ‘Cello, or leading spoken parts of the service. I attend Emmanuel Church Northwood whilst at LST where I am involved with the music ministry of the church and with the 20’s-30’s group. During my second year I acted as Hall Representative, dealing with various issues and concerns. As class representative I continue to act as a link between fellow students and the course board, bringing any student concerns to their attention.

The placement opportunities I have had whilst at LST have enabled me to discern my calling. I remain involved with All Souls Orchestra playing in Prom Praise events. I discovered my passion for sharing the Gospel with children in a vibrant and relevant way during my placement with Keswick for Kids, to which I return each year. This practical service helps me apply my academic studies at LST.

Studying at LST has been challenging, yet enriching. I have grown academically and in relationship with the Lord. I have learnt so much about His abounding love for His creation, and I cannot deny His hand in my life.

Here’s what I believe;

I believe in God, who by His nature is Trinitarian; Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

I believe God existed when nothing else existed. I believe He spoke into the nothingness, creating the world and all that is in it; all that is known and unknown to humankind. I believe God created men and women in His image, to be in relationship with Him.

Since the fall, humanity has become bound to her sinful nature, falling short of God’s glory. I believe the only way we can be redeemed from our sinful nature is through sacrifice.

I believe the Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, who is both fully God and fully human, made incarnate by the Holy Spirit and born of Mary, lived on earth and dwelt among us. The Son gave up Heaven to take the blame and pay the full sacrifice for our sin; the Father sacrificed his Son for our salvation. I believe that we can claim our salvation through confession and belief in Jesus Christ our Saviour.

I believe we are enabled to grow closer to God and live more Godly lives through the power of the Spirit. The Spirit lives and dwells within each believer, as a constant guide and source of strength, facilitating the presence of the Father and the Son.

I believe the Biblical Scriptures are the authoritative Word of God, written by human hands, inspired by God. I believe the Holy Spirit enables us to interpret the Scriptures along with the gifts that He has given us.

I believe the Church was established by the Son, and is the body of Christ, and He is the head of the Church. I believe our Mission as the Church, is to follow the Great Commission; proclaim the Good News, make disciples, baptise and teach them to obey all that He has taught us, until He comes again. I believe one day Christ will return to meet his bride, the church, and we will be united with God and live with Him in paradise.