Archive for May, 2009

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Remember this

May 29, 2009

I want to remember this feeling in the morning.

I am SO loved.

I am SO inspired.

I had to try so hard not to cry whilst driving home from Southwell.

Tonight was the night in which I played in Southwell Minster for the first time in ages. It’s an amazing place. It acoustics are fabulous and generous and I feel so lucky to have been able to play there so many times with school concerts etc.

The Vergers are my family. Andrew especially has/is being incredible.

We played with Guy Johnston. What an incredible man. He’s so friendly and encouraging in the midst of his solo’s he was looking around us all communicating with us.

After the concert I thanked him, and he commented on my playing and how much he’d loved going through the Beethoven A with me yesterday 🙂

I want to play the Cello like him.

It feels like home to me.

So many people were at the concert from my past; Terry Gill, my JD teacher. Derek Williams, NYO and NSO conductor, to name but two. Derek is looking forward to me playing with NSO again on Monday. Got talking about my project; his favorite Beethoven Sonata is the Cello A major – yes, the one that is central to, and inspired my project, which I played in the Master class yesterday! He’s also concerned about the M.E. and all that jazz…

It feels like home to me.

I talked to Sarah briefly about doing Diploma. She says it’s a great idea!

Dad picked up some music I ordered on the way home from work. More, exciting notes to learn. I want to go play now…

But I am very exhausted…

Can I remember this feeling in the morning please? None of this depressed malakey!

Help me!

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Protected: It’s hard sometimes

May 29, 2009

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I love playing the ‘Cello

May 28, 2009

It feels like home to me.

I went to Southwell and met Andrew, the Head Verger for lunch in the pub. Good times.

I then went back to The Great Hall and played my Cello, and ran through the Beethoven A 1st movement with Beate, who incidentally knows David Peacock (my HoD at LST) Small world. She commented on how well prepared it was. Yay! I had forgotten how lovely it is to play in there. The room just helps the music.

I then played it again to Guy Johnston, messed up a little bit towards the end of the semiquaver bit that is just plain nasty. He is really nice, very encouraging, and liked what I’m doing with it. We looked a lot at how it’s the first sonata to really get to grips with it being a duo with both Cello and Piano, rather than the Cello having more of an accompanying role. Nothing like this had ever been done before. The opening phrase on the ‘Cello is completely alone and it’s gorgeous. The way Beethoven develops the piece is incredible. I love it.

I love playing the ‘Cello.

It feels like home to me.

And I am going to do my Performance Diploma. So there.

Happy Lizzie

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Philip Larkin – This Be The Verse

May 27, 2009
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

My neighbor, Andy told me to search for this on the tinterweb last week when everything was going crap.
Just thought I'd share it...
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It’s happened; it’s in the past

May 26, 2009

So I’m not going to blog about it.

Instead, I had a sudden wave of positivity come over me last night. Here’s a list of stuff I came up with last night:
– I have eventually emailed the lady Steve M gave me details of, a counselor from St Johns Nottm. Harah.
– I have begun to look at the TDA and GTTR websites ready to apply in the Autumn.
– I had a lovely time at my friends Wedding on Sunday in Norwich.
– We had fun monitoring the mpg thingie in the new car on the journey down… watching it get higher and higher with my driving – despite being caught in silly traffic jam for an hour.
– Dad returned home late this evening. He is talking to Mum. (although quite grumpy with me) But I am NOT going to hold stuff against him even if he does me.
– I am very much looking forward to visiting LST and going camping, despite some people not approving.
– I love playing the Cello. And get my bow back from being re-haired tomorrow.
– I am looking forward to playing in a concert on Friday with Guy Johnston in the Monster.
– I am going for lunch with my old boss from the Monster on Thursday 🙂
– Even if it was the only thing I’ve managed today; I have made more cake 🙂
– The Beer festival in the pub opposite my window is over, which means I can hear the music playing on my computer, even with the windows open 🙂
– This positive thinking malarkey makes me feel like my world isn’t ending.
– God is always good

I told my mentor this and they encouraged me to write a paragraph at the beginning of each day about something I’m grateful for. So, this is what I am going to do. None of this negativity depression stuff. No, that’s bad.

So, for today.
I got up between 10 and 11. This is encouraging. I didn’t HAVE to be anywhere, and I was able to get up before midday, which also means I get to spend time with Mum before she goes to work. Oh, and my best friend from school, Katie is coming to visit later this afternoon 🙂 It’s just 8 days until I get to visit LST. Harah. I’m off to play my ‘Cello – yay!

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Every little thing’s gonna be alright…?

May 24, 2009

What about the bigger things? You know, like oh Health, or Parents leaving their homes? Huh?

Not convinced right now.

Oh, and I can’t sleep, funny, that.

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So much…

May 20, 2009

Seems to have gone on, happened.

I feel as numb as numb can be… yet the faintest glimpses of light that might pick me up as squashed, stamped on like a really bad piece of [whatever]

I feel incredibly trapped. I can’t see a way out.

I wish; I could breathe?