Archive for March, 2009


March 27, 2009

No one has any answers.
I am so alone.


On that Trust…

March 24, 2009

This morning I prayed for a miracle; that I’d get my essay done (I hadn’t started it) and finish my arranging for Band assignment, so I could go on the Cello course tomorrow…

I had a ‘Cello lesson this morning – I’d not played for over a week… yet it didn’t really feel like that. We’ve also changed one of my recital pieces. I’m now including Bruch’s Kol Nidrei in my final recital program. It’s a piece inspired by the Jewish Yom Kippur. It is beautiful. I’ve wanted to play it for years. It starts with a tender cry out to God; ‘Lord, have mercy’ a lament, and then another more hymn-like melody. You’ll have to listen to it to understand why I love it.
This means I’m still doing a Recital of the Bee’s; Bach, Brahms and Bruch! And two lovely Romantic pieces… but my teacher says thats okay… which is good for me because I love Romantic Cello music!
My new shoes arrived this morning. They’re purple to go with my Project Recital Dress – very exciting! 
I plucked up the courage to see Adrian, as Iris (Registrar) is on leave. He was incredibly supportive and encouraging… We discussed all the options open to me – far too many to write on here! He’d still like a letter from my home GP, which I’ll get when I’m next home at Easter. But for now, I don’t need to make any decisions… so am just plodding along and see what happens… 
He’s given me further extensions on the extensions of the extensions for Band Arranging and BPG Romans essay; I now have until the start of term! Far more Grace than I expected, as Iris had just been giving me extensions based on the notes from the GP… This means that although the Band arranging is pretty much ready to hand in, I now have a bit of time to ask for a tutorial on it… And I have time to do the BPG essay without stressing. And I can go on the Cello course without having to worry about anything else! Adrian almost encouraged me going on it – I didn’t tell him David wasn’t so supportive of the idea! 
Funny how these miracle things turn out differently to how we mere humans expect! heh
So this afternoon, I’ve been tweaking the arranging… It can now wait until I return to LST next week. I will now think about a structure for the BPG essay, and then work out where I’m going for the Cello course and how I’m going to drive there tomorrow. All followed by fellowship and food at the Lido 🙂
There but by the Grace of God…

Do you trust me?

March 24, 2009

Okay, so last night I had prayer. It was good. I really felt refreshed, cleansed…

As I went to bed, I was taking my concoction of medication. I felt convicted; ‘Do you trust me?’ 
I took the tablets anyway; you know, I desperately wanted to have a good nights sleep… And I did… I woke up so refreshed this morning… fantastic! PTL! 
Whilst lying in bed waiting to fall asleep last night though, I realized I struggle with the ‘Father God’ thing. You know, I never thought I did. My Dad has always done his best for me… and so I could only empathize for those who have had a really tough relationship with their earthly fathers; how difficult it must be to comprehend a Fatherly God. 
But recently, I’ve been accepting that my own Dad, although he does his best, does let me down. He can’t follow through on all his promises… He’s only human.
Yet our Heavenly Father is so much more capable! If we let Him, He will heal. 
Do I trust Him? YES.


March 22, 2009

Evening can’t come soon enough.

My weekend has been, tough.
I have pretty much completed the Band Arranging project, though 🙂
However, I have done nothing on IOM job application, or BPG Romans essay – which is due Friday, except I have to have it done by Wednesday, when I go on Cello course… And I’ve not had my Cello out since err, Liza’s concert.
Not entirely sure how much I’ve actually been able to rest since coming home, but one thing I do know is… I can’t wait to be back home tomorrow evening! 
With Cakes 🙂

Mystery Shoppers

March 22, 2009

I was talking with a friend about being a Mystery Shopper… the Shop Assistant’s nightmare… I remember it well!

Then this evening I came across this website…
It made me laugh, but it also made me sad…

Too much

March 21, 2009

Today has been too much

I got up. Late.
Went with Dad to Staple’s to pick up a couple of bits for college. Then on to pick Matthew up from his Narrowboat.
Home again.
I’ve baked some cakes today; a Birthday cake for Mum. A big Fruit Cake for the birthday of a friend at college who has loved my birthday cakes each year! And to take back to LST with me on Monday, 27 chocolate buns which I also iced – exciting – but am now exhausted!
I encountered numerous problems along the way; forgetting to put baking powder in Mum’s cake just before I put tins in the oven, back in the bowl… Running out of cherries, trip to the Co-op.. another trip to the Co-op when I realized we didn’t have many bun cases left 😦
This evening I’m babysitting for Harry, a neighbor across the road… He’s adorable.. but yet, I don’t think I have the energy to be patient with him if he starts being naughty… 
My plan of getting my assignments done by tonight seems to have failed;
Admittedly, I am nearly there with Band Arranging, I just need to sort out the Bridge and the Instrumental play-out; everything else is done 🙂
But, I have still not started BPG Sin essay… getting closer to ‘Sin: Negligence’ and lots of blank pages.
I have not had my Cello out since I came home. This makes me sad. And I have a Cello lesson on Tuesday followed by Cello master-class course week starting on Wednesday. Pants.
And as for job application, not had that out either.
Need to write cards and wrap presents for Mother’s Day and Mum’s Birthday tomorrow.
If I can’t get the above done before I return to LST on Monday evening, then essentially, I don’t know what will happen. The two assignments MUST be completed and handed in before I go to the Cello course. If not, there’s not a chance I can catch up with everything else when I return from the Cello course. Not going to the Cello course isn’t an option; I’ve paid a heck of a lot of money for it, I will be worse off in myself if I don’t go AND my Project and Recital will be neglected, seriously.
Oh, and I’m probably about 12 Days behind on Bible reading plan… so much for trying to catch up!
I’m emotional, and feeling paralyzed by life. Crap.

Open Roads,

March 20, 2009


Tractors, and overtaking them,
the Minster full of kids,
Old friends,
having dinner outside,
laughter and giggling, 
knowing my old boss cares,
drinking tea…
… these things and more have made my day.
Maybe I should attempt some work?