I didn’t intend to have a sabbatical from blogging, it just happened that way.
I know I’ve said it before, I’ve not really been blogging much of late. I’ve either been too busy with life, overwhelmed by the things I would normally write about, or intimidated by other, more superior people in the blogging world.
I am hoping to change this. Blogging isn’t just a means for you, my devoted followers, to keep a track of where I am with life. Blogging enabled me to think, process and reflect on topics, events, life, the universe and everything. And I have been fortunate to have the wise input from some of you, too.
I’m asking for your support, encouragement and patience as I seek to re kindle my thinking space, so I engage with the world as it goes by, rather than being engulfed by all the tiny details of the big, overwhelming, picture. Thanks!
I am very aware I haven’t posted anything for some time, thanks for the reminders!
I’m just posting to let you know I am alive and well as I can be… and that I shall be in the process of trying to get the last few weeks into words.
Although I did have a thought earlier today that ‘not much has happened’ but that’s not true. So much has happened, what with Funerals, Finals, Recitals and Weddings to name a few… that I’ve not had a minute to sit back and write, in which I’ve also had the energy/brain function so to do. So there you have it, my excuse. I hope I don’t keep you waiting too much longer, even for my own sake, as it’s harder to write it all down when time has passed…
‘I know you can be over-whelmed and you can be under-whelmed, but can you ever just be ‘whelmed’?
From the film 10 Things I Hate About You.
I apologize for my lack of posts lately. A lot has been going on and changing which is all very exciting. I am in the process, once again of trying to make my thoughts about these various things coherent so I can share them with you.
Until then, be happy to know that I am glad to be back in the realms of LST.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I was sat in my new room, after Mum had left, after the cars had been unloaded, after we’d driven in convoy down the M1 in not-so-fun traffic, with road works and some heavy snow showers, after we’d filled the cars with fuel and checked tyre pressures, after we’d bought some last few things from ASDA, after we’d packed the cars, after we’d carried everything downstairs, after I’d packed up my life into boxes over the last 10 days or so.
I’m home.
I’m free.
I’ve been waiting for this day, 8th February for almost a year. Waiting, longing, pining for it.
It’s been a tough old year, not least the being ill part, but also the being isolated, lonely, misunderstood by my own family. I have missed the feeling of being ‘at home’ which I have when I’m here at LST. I popped my head around Steve Motyer’s door, to thank him for making me up-to-date with BPG matters, and just to say ‘I’m home!’ He picked up on that straight away and said ‘it’s interesting how you think of LST as home.’ But I am. I am home.
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Except, it’s different.
I don’t miss my year all that much, but I do very much notice the absence of a certain few individuals.
I feel like I’m intruding when I visit friends and they have a room full of first year’s. Like I don’t fit in. I don’t want to tread on people’s toes, yet, I need people.
I wonder how long it is going to be before I accidentally walk into Tina’s room, as she’s in my old room, next door. I keep finding myself veering towards it as I walk back along the corridor!
Top Laing toilets are having major issues, which despite Maintenance calling in a special team, are still not working as they should! Oh dear! I wish I lived the other end of Laing, then the toilets downstairs wouldn’t be so far away!
I have a mammoth list of things I need to do, sort out in regards to moving back into LST. It feels ten times harder because I haven’t got internet access in my room/on my computer. The IT department are not giving Student Support at the moment because of a massive database upgrade, which is understandable, except, it is pretty important I am able to get on the network soon, as if I’m ill etc I’ll need to email people from my room. I’m frustrated because it would literally take a couple of minutes to add my computer ID to the system, and that I emailed the IT department at the beginning of term, specifying when I was coming back, the response was along the lines of ‘sign up for an appointment when you’re back,’ which was, incidentally why I was emailing them from home, to make an appointment for when I got back! And even now, there are no sign-up sheets for next week, so I can’t make an appointment either. Naturally, other members of staff from Registry and Reception are being fairly protective of the IT department, and I do understand that they are busy. I was pointed in the direction of Jenny Aston, the Disability Adviser, who said to speak to Chris Jack (who wasn’t in that day) as he’s their boss. I feel like I’ve wasted so much energy waiting for someone…
I need to see James re my diet, which is scary. Meal times are hard, firstly there’s lots of people. Secondly, there’s lots of people I don’t know/know that well. Thirdly, the food itself, I need to be careful it doesn’t upset me. And of course, the issue of the Supplements; do I take them with me and risk lots of questions, or do I hide in my room and have them after meals?
I need to pay room deposits, book a bed for Katherine visiting, photocopy and send some stuff, and buy a ball ticket.
There seems to be a lot of noise this end of college most of the time. I hope it’s not like this all the time. I need to work out when I’m going to be able to rest in peace.
I went to room H for Language and Worship, to find W2 in there. I felt like an idiot, and lost, I didn’t know where my first lecture was! I ran upstairs and eventually found W3 in room E! Why do timetable’s lie?
I need to find out deadlines for assignments.
I have conflicting messages about Arranging and how many pieces of coursework I need to do.
I have no idea what’s going on with Formation.
I haven’t done any ‘cello practise since I’ve come back yet.
We have Arts and Worship in the morning, I have no idea what’s going on with that, as I’ve not got around to reading any of the stuff Chris Grey sent me
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Yet, I am so incredibly blessed because;
I didn’t have to carry anything but my ‘cello and a few clothes upstairs, thanks to the awesome help from the Ground Laing boys, Pete Lawson, Luke Maxtead and Simon Barnes. You guys are amazing and I am so grateful – I hope you enjoyed the cake
Scott [withamassiveheart] Miles, remembered from last Christmas, that my favourite Quality Streets are the Strawberry and Orange ones, he saved them from Christmas in an envelope and put them on the noticeboard outside my room the day I arrived. Legend. As much as I am technically not allowed them, I shall save them and eat them one at a time on special occasions, or when I need cheering up.
My new room is bigger than I remembered it from last year! I have moved it around from how it was when I arrived. The nice carpet and the light coloured furniture make it a more relaxing room than previous rooms I’ve had. I feel settled and comfortable in my room already.
Although, I didn’t sleep that well the first night, or the second thinking about it. Hmm.
On Tuesday I had an amazing ‘cello lesson. Despite feeling a bit rusty at the beginning of the lesson because I’d not had my ‘cello out since Thursday or Friday with being away at the weekend and the move. I played the Frescobaldi to Margaret, she didn’t know it, but agreed it’s a fantastic composition, and agrees it’s a good piece to end my career at LST with! We also played through some of the Beethoven Judas Mac’ Vars, which was fun
People who I didn’t know cared about me that much are looking out for me, especially Manon and Helen. You make me feel so loved. Thank you.
The post-fairy (which I later found out was Bernie) delivered post to my door, which was a lovely surprise! Sheila Murray has sent me a card wishing me well for the new start. I miss her muchly! And I got the job pack and application form for a post at the Parish of Old St Pancras as a Pastoral Assistant (I’ll probably expand on this in another blog post).
I am all settled into my room and it feels very homely, even if I say so myself! I have also put on the back of my door the ‘Fit List’ from the Me In Mind at Innovate, and my Rules for Living from CBT… hopefully I shall see them as I leave my room each day?
Lizzie J and I spent Tuesday evening mending clothes and sewing on buttons whilst watching Grey’s Anatomy. Chilled out times.
W3 welcomed me to my first W3 lecture of 2010 with so much love. I feel like part of the family, perhaps more so than with last year’s W3, which is bizarre! I was welcomed with hugs, immediately part of the general banter, and my comments and memories from last year are appreciated. Thank you, W3.
Scott has been ohsogenerous, letting me use his computer to check the intranet, emails and generally use the internet, even when he’s not there. He has since let me have the password to his wireless network, only it doesn’t quite reach my room, but at least it means I can use *my* computer on the internet, just somewhere near his room!
Graham from maintenance was very helpful when I went by his office and he was in (I’ve been many a time in the last few days to find he’s out doing his job!) He’s given me a lamp so I have a bedside lamp )
I was scared to see James Middleton re my diet from the Nutritional Therapist. I’ve always been a bit intimidated by him, but he was happy to talk, and offered solutions to things and is happy to cook me boiled egg for breakfast. I felt very special at tea time on Wednesday, when, having only seen him that afternoon, they had added Lentils to my soup to ensure I have protein in my meal.
Some of the first years have been lovely to talk with )
I’m met Sonia this morning to discuss Formation module and what I need to do. It has changed slightly since last year, so I wasn’t sure if I’d have to do this years or last year’s syllabus? Turns out that I don’t have to do the DeSales reflection, but I do need to fill in the weekly blogs from now on, so hopefully that won’t be too onerous?
My second lecture was Arts and Worship with Chris Grey. It was really good, and very different from last year! Although, I feel like I have loads to catch up on for this module. Eeek. I’m sure it’ll be fine!
I had a tutorial with Carey on my Arranging for Band project. It feels a bit strange in that this year there is only one tutorial on it, and it’s due in next week! So I am glad I did the work back home, and only had a few changes to do… waiting for it to finish printing as I type! I have now just handed in my first assignment in over a year. Are you proud?
I had forgotten about choir until 10mins before it was due to start today. But I was also feeling like I needed down time, so I chilled out in my room. I did feel guilty about it, but then I saw David Peacock and explained to him and he was lovely and supportive ) and said if I needed to pace myself that’s more important…
Adrian (Academic Secretary) saw me in the corridor this morning and asked me to pop by his office for a chat. I have been meaning to, but every time I’ve walked past his door there’s been no answer or he’s been busy! Anyway, following my nap after lunch, I popped down and he was free. He is continuing to be amazingly supportive, which is fantastic. We chatted about options and plans, and pacing and things, and not needing to feel guilty if I need to skip a lecture in order to pace myself. He’s asked me to ask my home GP for a letter explaining that I’m still ill, but am coming back etc. so he can have it on file and thus pull out the extenuating circumstances card whenever it’s needed. Support at LST is amazing.
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The hardest part about this transition period is that my best friend is incommunicado this week. There are things I want to ask his opinion about, talk things through with, or just plain share things. But I can’t. I spent a while being angry with him about it, but I’m really not. I think I was trying to find a reason for the crying at various points this week, but people keep telling me it’s the whole big picture of being back, it doesn’t have to be anything specific. Anyway, I’m not angry, which is good. I just miss my best friend. I feel like I need him very much this week.
But, I am home, and it could be much worse than it is.
)
