Posts Tagged ‘Doubt’
What gets you out of bed each morning?
December 2, 2010If you know me, you’ll know that I’m not so good at the whole morning thing. This is for a few reasons; I’m exhausted. I’m in pain. I didn’t sleep well. I’m depressed. I’m lazy.
This can be especially bad if I don’t have anything specific to get up for. I do try and plan what I’m going to do the night before, but it doesn’t always work out, especially if my plans don’t involve letting anyone else but myself down.
It’s not even like taking a tablet to wake me up would work, because I need to have a reason to get as far as taking the pill.
I want Jesus to be the reason I get out of bed. Not some feelings of guilt. I want peace to know it’s okay to be in bed when I’m ill. I want a motivation that doesn’t leave me in tears. I don’t want to waste my ‘not so well’ days, never mind my ‘well’ days.
In CBT we started to focus on sleep and at some point I’ll be going to a sleep clinic; scary or what!
We decided I should write a list of things that might help me get out of bed, and I wrote a poster which now sits right by my bed, at eye level height so that when I wake up in a morning, once I can convince myself to open my eyes, I see this:
If you have any other suggestions, I’d love to hear them.
I hope it helps!
A few reasons I find living in central London hard
November 30, 2010Finally, we have some snow falling. But the ground is wet and it’s not settling. Yet we have the freezing cold temperatures that go with snow. Not fair. My friends in both Northwood and Finchley have good, settling snow.
As I ventured out into Zone 4 on Sunday, I nearly cried.
There were leaves on the ground. Autumn Leaves that crunch underfoot. I enjoyed kicking them as I walked along the paths. In central London, the leaves that we did have here were swept up into plastic bags and taken away for being composted.
I saw frost on cars in the middle of the afternoon. I had seen that in the afternoon, but what I saw next I realised how much I missed; the grass on the verges of road was frozen solid and looked so pretty. I miss seeing that. And hearing the crunch underfoot.
I miss the countryside.
Celebrity Cult
October 5, 2010Forgive me if I’ve been slow on the uptake, but I don’t have a TV license, so it sometimes takes me a while to catch up with the ‘real world,’ especially if I’ve not been feeling on top of things. Anyway, today a colleague and I watched Jeremy Paxman interview Russell Brand, broadcast on last weeks’ NewsNight. They were discussing the celebrity cult in our culture. I found it interesting enough to share, anyway!
If you want to watch it for yourself, click me.
Women and Ministry…
October 4, 2010So, I’ve taken an interest in exploring the issue of women in ministry, the ordained type. To be entirely honest, I don’t know exactly what I think, which is why I am trying to spend time reading up various perspectives, to figure it out for myself, so please excuse my rambled thoughts and confusions.
My cousin, a vicar currently working with CPAS, recommended the book Growing Women Leaders, by Rosie Ward, which I have just begun reading this weekend.
Coincidentally, a very good friend of mine, posted this on his blog today;
I’m glad I don’t go to his church!
Seriously?! Maybe I should get back to my knitting, cleaning, ironing, cooking etc. Because obviously as a female, I’m only allowed to say ‘Amen’ in church at appropriate times, with the whole congregation.
I find it weird, I don’t consider myself a feminist. I have always understood that men and women differ in numerous ways, and we have traditionally had different roles which reflect that. The creation narrative demonstrates the complementarity of gender differences.
But the views of the conservative evangelical church is somewhat frustrating to me. I had the opportunity today in conversation with a minister at church, to ask his thoughts on the subject, after he had asked a male colleague whether or not he had considered ordination himself; he had not, yet. It didn’t surprise me that he complies pretty much wholeheartedly with the views of the church we work in. He affirmed the role of women within the church; endorsing the female minister on the senior leadership team, and the varying roles women play within the work and ministry of the church, leading services, prayers, small groups, teaching children and youth, women’s groups. But he doesn’t endorse women preaching on a Sunday, or a female incumbent.
Although the idea of me, personally, up front, leading a church and preaching scares the what-sits out of me, I’m left feeling; frustrated, confused, discriminated, lost…
Why am I reacting this way? Am I just being rebellious; bucking the system I am in? I need to get my head around this.
A wise lecturer of mine pointed out to me that I am “in a church where women are considered to be great for teaching other women, but men (poor dears) will be led astray the instant they hear a woman teach. 
… [a church which is] not typical of the C of E.”
I appreciate the viewpoint of the minister I spoke with today, that most churches ‘fudge’ somewhere along the spectrum; from raving liberals to those who hold very conservative views. There is no ‘clear cut’ decision within the Church of England, never mind the Church as a whole. That, wherever the line may be drawn, there will be some who don’t agree on both sides.
And yet, when I come to Scripture, I see why 1 Corinthians 34-35 and 1 Timothy 2:12 can be read with the view that women should not teach or preached to mixed gatherings, i.e. the main church worship. Others don’t believe women should have overall headship of a church.
I knew back home, at Southwell Minster, there was a member of the congregation who wouldn’t attend the Eucharist if it was the female Precentor leading the service. Ironic that this person was female, too. But she didn’t have a problem with her preaching?
I don’t want to be accused as someone with poor hermeneutics, but I (and others) read the above passages within the context in which they were written, to a specific group of churches, in a specific culture in a specific time; cultural. And I get that the problem appears when we don’t view the remainder of Paul’s writings as only cultural; we take most of Paul’s teaching and apply it today, so why not these also?
Speaking to a colleague this evening, he said that there are women at his ‘home church who still cover their heads, and don’t listen if a woman is praying from the front.’ To which I replied; ‘Wow.’
1 Corinthians 14:34-35
… women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to enquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.
I understand that in the Corinthian culture, women were not allowed to question men in public. Some of the new Christians were misusing their new found freedom and confidence, to confront men during corporate worship. Obviously, this wasn’t healthy for the church as a whole. Especially as they were asking questions publicly which could have been discussed within the marital home, privately. Thus preventing division and unease within the gathering of the church.
1 Timothy 2:12
I do not permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man; she must remain silent
I’ve just learned that the Greek word Paul used, here translated as ‘silent’ more expresses an attitude of quiet composure, and another word was used to convey ‘complete silence.’ Aside from this, women in the Ephesian churches were again misusing their new freedom; they did not have the knowledge, experience or Christian maturity to teach those who already had extensive scriptural education. Cultural.
Paul did not forbid women from ever teaching. His co-worker, Priscilla, taught Apollos (Acts 18:24-26). And Paul frequently refers to other women who had positions of responsibility within the church. 1 Corinthians 11:5 – Women publicly prayed and prophesied…
As I said, I have in no way finished with exploring this debate within the church. I have yet to read chapter two of Growing Women Leaders, I’m sure other books will follow suit, and quiz other colleagues about their stance. I’m still trying to get my head around it myself.
