Posts Tagged ‘ASO’
How Great Thou Art
October 5, 2010I always love it when CD’s from an event I was involved with arrive. Usually I’ve pre-ordered them at the event itself, so they’re arrival brings back happy memories 
When I got home from work today, the latest All Souls Orchestra Prom Praise CD & DVD, How Great Thou Art recorded Live at the Royal Albert Hall on May 8th this year, was awaiting my return. I’m now sat listening to it. 
Week One on our own…
September 11, 2010Here we go; it’s down to us…
On Monday I arrived at work in time for Staff Fellowship Groups followed by Staff Lunch. It was our first Staff Lunch with everyone back after the summer. I love it. We were introduced to the new Apprentices who have just started their year this week. We had our meeting with Dave, reviewing the previous week and looking at the week ahead. Our Monday Training sessions start next week, so we got ahead with prep. for the evening as there was a Fellowship Group Support meeting for all the Fellowship Group leaders.
On Tuesday John and I were on duty for the Prayer Gathering shift. All of us Church Assistants were invited to the front to be introduced officially to the Church Family, which ended up being hilarious as ever!
On Wednesday, after being rudely awoken by builders and diggers outside my bedroom at 7.15am, I began early to set up for the Aroma leaders meeting and training session before it starts up again next week for the new term. Mark repeated a talk of his from Cornerstone on the Gospel of John, as that’s what they’ll be looking at each week. The others’ were all painting two rooms upstairs whilst I got on with the ‘normal’ Wednesday duties. Hannah and Oscar appeared to get more paint on each other than on the walls! The others wound up staying late to get the rooms finished, but I’d done all my tasks, so went home and slept… for 4 hours! I felt rubbish, but it was John’s birthday party, had it been any other social I probably wouldn’t have gone, but I thought having slept for 4 hours I would be alright… Oscar had cooked a feast for us, but it was all a bit behind schedule due to finishing work late! We ate around 10pm… Hannah and Maw had made John a birthday cake which was lovely, too. Dave gave me a lift home when the celebrations finished around midnight, but I really wasn’t feeling well again 
I wound up being up, ill most of the night, and had to take Thursday off ill. My first full sick day. Sad times.
I picked up again by late afternoon, at which point I had the dilemma of going to the ASO rehearsal for Manchester next weekend. On the one hand, it may well pick me up mentally and physically by getting out the house, seeing people and being productive. I am working next Thursday evening so I can’t make the rehearsal, so I felt I should go this week. Yet I didn’t know how it would look being in church playing my cello, having been off ill all day. And the worry of if I go, I may not be so well tomorrow…?! I decided to go for it in the end, and I’m glad I did; it was the right decision
On Friday I did my first solo shift at St Paul’s Robert Adam Street. I was working for Jelly Beans, the Mum’s and Toddler’s group which is an outreach of All Souls. I then had various cleaning tasks to do, which I finished early, so I used the opportunity to cycle over from SPRAS to All Souls, using my new Boris Bike key! Initially it took a while to get a bike to come out of a dock, once I did, I realised how bumpy roads in London are! I then discovered that I don’t fully know the one-way systems around the area, and ended up going in more of a zig-zag direction to get back to church!
On Friday evening we were all invited for dinner at the Enns’ house; John Stott’s former home. We had fun times with them, eating very yummy food and getting to know Louanne and Paul a bit more. After some persuasion, Dave offered to drop me and my Cello off at St Pancras Station for a train back to the ‘shire for Colette’s 20th. I found it hilarious that on the way out of the Enns’ flat, Dave caught his shoelace in the door and had to call the buzzer to be freed!
More Anon. Here’s a few pictures from the week;
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Blessings
September 3, 2010I feel so blessed lately… small things which just make me smile and know that I am loved.
Last week, Noel encouraged me to keep playing with the All Souls Orchestra, but in a way that I know he values me as a player; I don’t just sit in the section bumbling along… He also said he’d fight my corner if needed with my rota so that I can play for orchestral services and things… which is nice, but at the same time, I am aware it’s up to me to pace myself, too!
We’re also very blessed with food. As Church Assistants, we’re allowed to eat food from the Church kitchen. We also get a food allowance, so that Jack, the Chef orders things in for us and puts it in the freezer. We’re in negotiation as a team (as we have to order the same things each week) It’s looking along the lines of meats. Protein. Nice.
I just wanted to share that with you!
Trust
August 24, 2010After surviving the early shift on Sunday, I slept the remainder of the afternoon. My flat mate, Maw, was working the evening shift, so when I woke, I was alone. I still wasn’t feeling great, but didn’t want to be alone the whole evening, so I went to church. One thing after another, I didn’t make it ’till the sermon, Rico was preaching. Off hand, I can’t even remember what the passage of his sermon was on, or what the whole thing was about, but I know what stuck on my heart. In reference to suffering, Rico said God entrusts trials on people at certain times… Rico was warning against the dangers of prosperity gospel, remembering ‘others’ in the passages. But I remember feeling that God was saying to me ‘I trust you’ not just with the little mundane day to day things, but with the bigger things, it made me realise that somehow, despite suffering being suffering, that God does use it for good. My testimony, despite my doubt, is worthwhile in His kingdom. That my perseverance, despite my stumblings, do have an impact on other people. I can walk alongside others. I can say I know how you feel. I can make a difference.
But less than a day after this, I was questioning;
Questioning my health? Questioning my ability to do my new job? My financial circumstances? Whether I can afford, money, time and energy to pursue my ‘cello? My instability with PTSD? My desires to study further this year? My gifts? My ability to play the ‘cello? How much chance I will have this year to play with the ASO? My ability to live and look after myself in London? My patience? My very being.
Which reminds me of a phrase once used by a good friend of mine; I wholly rely on God, when I remember.
Trust is a two-way thing, huh?
Perspective
July 11, 2010Canals change your perspective on the world.
Everything passes you by slowly. You can appreciate the beautiful surroundings. You can stop where you like for the night (within reason). I loved that we stop in the middle of nowhere most of the time.
I spent the week following Graduation aboard my parents narrowboat, Coriander. I wasn’t sure how it would go, spending a long time with my Mum and Dad on a boat, but we had a good time! At the weekend, Matthew was around too, so he was at my graduation day. We all headed into London early on Sunday morning, as I was playing at All Souls for the Orchestral morning services. Which was followed by lunch at Pizza Express with Daniel and others, to celebrate his new job!
I went home on Friday in order to be around for Amelia’s wedding, which was beautiful! The service was perfect. Incredible. It was truly lovely to catch up with Sophie and the Teague’s – it’s been far too long!
The Teague family
(the girls have grown into models…!)
Sophie and I
The following week, Dave and I spent on Coriander. We had a really lovely time… and we didn’t break it… until we were 1mile away from our rendezvous point with Dad!! Dave let me play with his camera, and I now love photography! Here’s some pictures we both took:
Going through the first tunnel
Coming out the other side; we hadn’t lost a fender after all!
Feeding the ducks
Where we moored for the night; so peaceful
Watch out, its me piloting!
Me steering us into the dark, again!
Down the locks…
Building a new marina…
Silhouette at dusk on our last night aboard
As I was saying about perspective, there is a section of the Grand Union canal which runs parallel to both the M1 and the Railway in a valley. But it is only from the canal that you can really appreciate this. Driving along the M1, you would probably have no idea about the canal or railway. From the train, you can, if you’re looking attentively see the canal in fleeting moments. But only along the canal do you really notice this.
I also went to an LST reunion with my original LST year. It was a trek to drive from Nottinghamshire to Maidenhead, and I wasn’t sure if I would really be valued. But, because I promised Dave a lift, I got there. I’m so glad I went! I felt so loved and appreciated by people I didn’t think cared about me. I must make more of an effort to stay in touch with folks…
Whirlwinds
June 21, 2010Last Wednesday I met Dave in London, we went to the matinee performance of the Lion King. I had been looking forward to it for ages! It might have been an error on our part, booking for the matinee, as we were surrounded by lots of school children! All in all, it was good, but going from all the reviews etc. I had expected the general acting, dancing and singing to be much tighter than it was! But the costumes and set made up for it!
After that, we decided to head over to the pub where Matt White was doing a gig that evening. We ate while waiting for the action. We were there as Matt, Simon and Ben arrived – It was ace to catch up with Ben, as I’d not seen him since he and Simon came with Vizaviz on mission to my school in 2004!
Dave took pictures during the gig, which I really enjoyed. On the way back to the station, Dave asked me if I could drive him to his Mum’s house to pick up some things for his holiday, I said we could do it then, as we’d got out the gig by 8.30pm. So we got the tube back to Northwood, and I drove him to Hillingdon and then back to his home in Finchley.
It was at this point that Dave told me some news. Initially I told him I was ‘okay,’ but my body was reacting before my mind, so I was glad it was dark and we were in the car. I drove off, desperately wanting to ask him questions. But I couldn’t bare to be that girl from that film who turns around and crys.
I’ll be honest, I don’t know how I got home to LST. I called to say I was home, after a long silence Dave asked me how I was, to which I was able to reply in words that made some sense. He said he was proud of me, that I’d been able to verbalise how I’m feeling, rather than thinking he would guess.
I spent the majority of Thursday in tears, which was, well, embarrassing.
On Friday, I met a friend from All Souls Orchestra for lunch in Covent Garden which was lovely. He’s just got a new job with the BBC starting at the end of the month.
That afternoon, I got the tube to Finchley, sat in the park, and wrote a letter to Dave, which I then went to hand-deliver to his church. He was around and we hung out; everything was bizarrely normal.
I headed back in to London, meeting some LST folks at Regents Park for a picnic to celebrate Simon’s birthday. We then went to the Open Air Theater to see the Cruicible. It started pouring with rain during our picnic, so the performance started an hour late and we were all snuggling up with our cups of tea trying to keep warm! All in all, it was a fun, but late night!
On Saturday morning, I had arranged to visit Chloe in Willesden as she has a spare room going in her flat, which I was interested in. I really liked the flat, but I can’t commit to it until I have a job… so watch this space!
On Wednesday evening, I had a text from Lucy at Langham Arts Office asking if I was free this weekend to play with ASO in Goring on Thames. I was, so I drove over for the rehearsals Saturday lunchtime. We were staying with hosts, and had dinner at the church that evening with all the host families, which was lovely. Sunday morning was an Orchestral Service, with the local primary school choir. We went back to our hosts for lunch, and then at 3 O’Clock, there was a concert in the church. I had a really lovely weekend, meeting some wonderful people.
Driving home, I was exhausted! And I had promised Mum and Dad I’d go and meet them wherever they had got to with the Narrowboat. They were just north of Watford by the time I got there. So I went to meet them for dinner to wish Dad a Happy Father’s Day and Birthday! He really liked the ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ mug which I had bought him; then he opened Matthew’s present, to discover he, too, had bought him the same thing! Mum said he can have one at home and one at work now!
All in all, the last few days has been a huge whirlwind…
Things and stuff from the last 48 hours
May 24, 2010Apparently it was my Dad’s turn to fall off the narrowboat this weekend. Numpty.
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I found myself doing my first essay related all-nighter on Saturday night. My deadline was today at 4pm, and I knew that my body and brain wouldn’t function so well first thing on Sunday morning, and as I was playing at All Souls Sunday afternoon/evening, it was kind of my only option. Unless I went with the option of getting another extension, or just missing this one? But I couldn’t cope with that!
I had just about finished cutting and pasting various bits around so that it at least resembled an essay, albeit 700 words too long by 8am, at which point I went to bed. I’m pretty sure for the first hour I spent in sleep paralysis with some shocking ‘dreams’, but hey. Dave called me at 12.30, which woke me up! I don’t remember asking him to call me to make sure I was up, but he did good…! Although initially he asked me what time I stopped working… I don’t think I’ve heard him raise his voice at me before, so it was quite odd. But nice, because I know it was because he cares.
I made it to lunch and then Pete and I headed into London. Because the Met. Line was down, we opted for getting a 282 Bus to Northolt, which would have worked fantastically if we hadn’t waited for about half an hour in the boiling sun for a bus to come! We got there in time, just.
It was really fun to play Pete’s composition with All Souls Orchestra, and to play for an orchestral service again, too
The talk was on Daniel 8. What hit me the most was the last verse, after his vision. V27: ‘I Daniel, was exhausted and lay ill for several days. Then I got up and went about the king’s business. I was appalled by the vision; it was beyond understanding.’
It’s really not surprising that he was exhausted, considering the nature of the vision. But it hit me that ‘big’ things wipe out ‘normal’ people, too. I love how after the vision, he didn’t make a big deal over it, or sell himself out as a prophet. He just got on with the king’s business, that is, his everyday life.
Awesome.
I was very blessed when David Peacock, offered us a lift home. I caught up with some friends I’ve not seen for over a year, some even longer which was lovely. I was sat with Lydia which was fun, until the point when she asked about my arm and I said I’d ‘had a fight with something.’ Convincing? Hmm.
People are still encouraging me to talk to people who need to know. Maybe CBT man? But I’ve not heard from him since he said he’d ring me after Easter. And I’ve been scared to try and call him again. Babs isn’t around at the moment, I’ve been encouraged to email her, but part of me is thinking there’s not much point, I’m ‘okay’ now, and I have no idea how I’d tell her. As I’ve said before, I’ve more chance of telling Adrian or Robert.
I got back to LST and my room on Second Laing was a Sauna. It’s so unbearably hot up hear in the afternoons/evenings. I need to buy a fan.
I was told to go to bed early, and worry about editing my essay some more in the morning. I wasn’t convinced, but then again, I was struggling with walking.
I got 12 hours sleep. Get in. I felt good!
I got my essay tidied up by just after lunch.
But I also had a ‘phone call from Wilmslow. Simon called to say that they were still waiting for one of my references, but that they didn’t think I was the right person. They said it was because they’ll have a new youth and Families Worker and a new Ministry Trainee and that they aren’t in a position to give me the support I’d need. And that I didn’t have enough experience to mentor the girls in the youth group (to which I thought, so you’ll opt for them not having anyone, again?!). Anyway, decision made for me. I didn’t want it anyway, but I guess it would have been nice for me to say that to them… pah.
As my essay was printing, I received an email from Royal Holloway uni to say they will be offering me a place on their MMus Advanced Music Studies course, (yay) but that I wouldn’t be eligible to do the Special Study Performance course or Short Recital course, because I’m not good enough at playing the ‘cello, apparently (boo). I know I didn’t exactly play the best ever, but considering I didn’t rehearse with the pianist, that I had 3 days notice, and that it was the most hectic week of my life, ever, I thought they would have at least spotted potential? Ho well. Gutting, as it was the performance elements of their course which attracted me to it. And, as you may have guessed, playing my cello is what I love doing. Humph.
So… I’m a little bit, well, a lot, back to the drawing board on next year. I don’t have time to think/worry about it for now. It will have to wait until after exams and recitals. But I am thinking along the lines of doing the dipABRSM, working, saving, playing as much as I can and trying again next year, applying to other institutions, too.
But I’m desperate not to live at home. I just have no idea how that will work out practically, and how not to upset my parents, especially my Mum, about this. I want to stick around London, as I have a support network here. As much as I ran a million miles from London when I was first looking at uni’s, it’s become home, you know?
As much as I initially told myself, and others, that I was fine, and wasn’t going to worry about it, I found my body reacting to it this afternoon, so I decided not to fight it.
Rejection, I can deal with. But rejection when it comes to my ‘cello is not so easy. I found myself starting to slide into the muddy pit I was in last week, which was less fun. I need to be so careful at the moment, be so aware of what might potentially trigger ‘it,’ you know? I kept telling myself to go outside, to be in the beautiful sunshine and fresh air. To find people. I need people. And somehow I’ve not continued to descend to that place.
But I managed to get my BPG notes up to date, photocopying a friends notes. So I can now revise without worrying I’m missing something?
I also did a couple of hours cello practice, but the news from Holloway has got to me. Everything sounded awful, it wasn’t nice. I wound up calling Sue, who was supportive, but I’m worried it’ll still be horrible in the lesson with her tomorrow. I just don’t know the pieces well enough.
I saw Uncle Robert late on in the afternoon. He’s awesome. We chatted and he prayed with me. We prayed for peace for me. I need peace, emotionally, physically and spiritually. And not to worry if I have it in one area and not another. Shalom.
